1. |
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some of us got claws
some of us got fangs
some of us got stingers
yuh, but me, i was born with these pinchers
~
and i was born with these vice-grips
that cling to love
things that are fucekd up
things that i hate that i just can’t get away
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2. |
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for every moment there’s a home not far from you
for every home there’s a feeling that grabs ahold of you
for every feeling there’s a figure staring back at you
for every figure there’s a stillness just waiting for you
~
and in that stillness there’s a banshee
and in that banshee is a legend
and in that legend is her wail
and in her wail is her warning
~
for every warning there’s a lullaby he wants to sing to you
for every lullaby he sucks a piece of your soul from you
for every soul there’s rapture he’s named after you
for every rapture there’s a grave just waiting for you
~
but in that grave there’s a life
and that life is your song
and that song is his end
and in his end is your revenge
yuh gotta get your revenge!
get your, get your revenge!
~
feel all the feels
that kill you inside
fight all your demons
take back your life
feel all the feels
that kill you inside
fight all your deaths
take back your life
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3. |
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donno much about time or broken minutes
donno much about the past or where it’s going
donno much about the future or how to fix it
but i know about now and i want you in it
donno much about diamond
but i could tell yuh about the rough
donno much about sleep these days
but i could tell yuh about the rust
i need a cobbler, not just another doctor
lord knows my soul’s in disrepair
i need a cobbler, not just another doctor
lord knows my soul’s in disrepair
know too much about these times and the broken in them
know too much about the shit 'n' the bullies it comes from
know too much about our minds but not where they’re going
but sometimes i don’t wanna know
sometimes we don’t wanna know
sometimes i don’t wanna know
sometimes we don’t wanna know
we need a cobbler, not just another doctor
lord knows our soul’s in disrepair
we need a cobbler, not just another doctor
lord knows our soul’s in disrepair
to fall in love with an idea, then let it break your heart
why kill your dreams? why kill your dreams?
before they’re even awake?
so go on & fail, go on & fail at everything
if that’s what keeps you true
cuz genius is 1% edison, 99% you
~
it's been a long, introspective journey. i'll be transparent and say i'm critical re: my own conclusions, but i'm still in the existential & ideological discovery and experimental phase of my identity.
"all life is an experiment, the more experiments the better..." has been a mantra of mine for most of my weirdo teen & adult life. i like evolving & being an iconoclast (in whatever I can) but especially with social conventions since i represent the face & profile of the colonizer. i've questioned authority, myself, & my soul most of my life in an effort to reach some type of existential freedom to transcend as much of my learned socializations as i can, such as: class, privilege, toxic masculinity, Christian spirituality, etc.
it’s no surprise, but leonard cohen’s “i have tried in my way to be free” from “bird on a wire” has always been another guiding light for me to refer back to when i question what it means for me to be free. why do I want to be free? free how? free from who? free from what? free to do what? there has to be a conceptual force keeping me from being free in order to be conceptually free myself from it.
so what is that force?
so what is that force?
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4. |
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the self needs saving from the self, sometimes
myself needs saving from myself, sometimes
ourselves need saving from ourselves, sometimes
the world needs saving from the world, sometimes
~
the world needs saving from the self, sometimes
the self needs saving from the world, sometimes
the world needs saving from myself, sometimes
and myself, i need saving from the world, sometimes
the world needs saving from ourselves, sometimes
and ourselves, we need saving from the world, sometimes
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5. |
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just because the world is fucked up, doesn’t mean we’re fuck-ups
~
so help me cuz i don’t wanna be a danger to myself anymore
so help me cuz i wanna be a danger to this fucked-up world
but there’s all these tiny cancers killing me inside
but it’s time to take back, to take back my life
~
and i heard there's a place i can go
it’s just down the road at the unconventional center
where they’re curing things like self-love dysmorphia
and they’re researchin’ things like how to smash the patriarchy
~
the center said, “as long as we’re honest with ourselves we’ll be fine”
but just to keep one thing in mind while we’re outside pickin' fights,
they can beat us down all they want, but they can’t beat us
cuz we’re one big cancer now and we’re coming for their love”
~
and i heard there's a place we can go
it’s just down the road at the unconventional center
where they’re curing things like toxic masculinity
and they’re researchin’ things like how to smash the patriarchy
~
just because the world is fucked up, doesn’t mean we’re fuck-ups
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6. |
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so there’s this banshee...
embracing death, she’s been watchin’ over me
she reminds me of men and their mendacity
she reminds me yuh gotta get your revenge
~
and her death knell is just around the bend
for all these grand narratives while they’re in bed
yuh, she’ll cut off, she’ll cut off their heads
she says, that’s how she’ll get her revenge
~
yuh, doesn’t this sound of revenge just feel so seductive ‘n’ sweet
like an orgy of grim reapers coming for the colonizers’ wet dreams
~
she's taught me "living well is the best revenge"
yuh, now i can relate to what she meant
eat all my cake, be all about love, 'n' feel myself again
fuck on my cake. all night. in front of them
~
cuz seducing myself is my revenge
and giving them hell is our revenge
and shredding their cred is my revenge
and death to all false grand narratives
~
the banshee, she's always with me
giving life to my capacities
she rings her bells ‘n’ hooks me in
she transforms her power and so can i
*“colonialism [it] was a start up”
and for so long – i admit – i bought in
so i’ll divest from this mess
cuz this is the hill that i’ll gladly die on
~
and as i die. i will rise
and as they die. we will rise.
and as they die. i will rise
and as they die. we will rise.
*somnath bhatt
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7. |
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death is my pilgrimage, i won’t stop ‘til i get there
i can ascend above all these masks i wear
and i just wanna star in my own reality
cuz all my co-stars they just wanna be, wanna be me
~
this tender meat inside me, who can it feed?
waters are rising ‘n’ boilin’ over millennial heat
cancers grow on the inside, tensions run deep
detached from the world, attached to new deaths, new meat
~
cuz i was born...i was born with these pinchers
and i was born with these vice-grips
that cling to love and things that are fucked up
things i hate that i just can’t get away
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8. |
topic 8 | rebirth chart
08:07
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well, who said i can’t have fun while i’m dying?
tell bob, i’m busy dying so i can be reborn,
whatta time to be alive, with all these cancers, baby!
divin' in the deep blue me, to find some answers...
~
after years on the ocean floor i found my rebirth chart
it said, *“make living (not dying) itself an art”
“how long yuh gonna let that trap, gonna let that blackhole just suck your soul?”
“cuz remember, you were born in *the week of the unconventional”
~
i’m molting! i’m out of body!
oh-em-gee, ah-ha-ha-ha
i’ve entered the void
what is life? ah-ha-ha-ha
now i’ll mixologize my fate!
what the forer? ah-ha-ha-ha
turn retrograde to lemonade
~
just for fun i like to read my horrorscope,
it said…"on the path of life, i took that psycho-path"
well, death to false horroscopes
cuz i want those daily cliff notes from the cosmos
~
i feel the waves, i watch the waves carry away my old skin
**"at first it feels like giant waves...[but then] it becomes the ocean"
but i had to listen, listen, listen
listen, listen, listen, listen...
before ahhh-ha-haa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
before ahhh-ha-haa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
~
life is funny, life is dramatic!
oh-em-gee ah-ha-ha-ha
the millennials they got their religion!
what the forer? ah-ha-ha-ha
life is funny, life is dramatic!
what is life? ah-ha-ha-ha
samsara, sayonara
~
i think i can finally get away
baptize my selves in lemonade
and retire by the beach, watch that pink horizon, sunset my pain
cash all my checks that made hustling the zeitgeist
payment for my mind, for my body, payment for my spirit, and for my time
|
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riife Seattle, Washington
topics of cancer out now on the best diy hitmaker label ~ Den Tapes!
art punk
existentials of zach frimmel
enjoy all there is to enjoy. throw a rock in the machine.
<3
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